Anatomy Of An Indian Liberal

Anatomy of An Indian Liberal Pre – 2014

Class – Privileged
First Language – English
Religious Denomination – Convenient Atheist
Except Grihaparveshs, Naamkarans, Weddings, Cremations. when every ceremony old & forgotten is dredged out, flaunted.
Celebrations – Eid, Easter, Christmas, Diwali, Holi…
Food Habits – Private

~ Personal Statement ~
Ram Guha thinks. Therefore, I am.
Romilla Thapar thought. Therefore, I was.

The Mughals gave us art, culture, architecture, cuisine & the Brits gave us English, railways & Nehru.

~ The Beauty of Poverty ~
Knowledge of India extends to 4 people in the servant quarters, Goa which tragically is losing its Portuguese flavour & our hills which no longer remind one of Scotland.

~ Syncretic Culture ~
Bound by single malt, kababs at Karim’s, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, Joy to the World …

~ Social Register ~
Ticked off as ARRIVED if nephew’s wife’s brother connected to the NAC and/or runs a NGO.

~ Lexicon ~
The vulgar includes a few French terms with Fcuk.
Never the vernacular even at the most vilest.

~ Mission Statement ~
People Like Us Are In Charge
So
The World Is Beautiful.…💕

———————————————————————

Anatomy of An Indian Liberal Post – 2014

Class – Privileged
(Aspirants remain foot soldiers. Till you are an alumni of any of the 4 schools, 3 colleges, member of IIC, IHC, DGC, Delhi Gym & one of the 6 residential localities of Delhi & 2 of NCR -don’t even dare ………!)

First Language – English

Religious Denomination – Defiantly Atheist
Parties on special occasions except whole hog at Wedding Ceremonies (can’t deny a bride & groom their Bollywood moment)
Cremations…Abh jaate jaate kya ladhna …?
Nonpolluting electric cremation

Celebrations ✅
Eid – Owaisi is my Biryani Buddy.
Easter – Hail the Resurrection of Christ.
But it’s not as regressive as Karva Chauth & Raksha Bandhan…
Christmas – Christmas Lunch & Carols where Father X of letter writing fame is invited.

Celebrations ❌
Polluting Diwali. Ram was anyway a chauvinistic pig (Audrey Truschke)
Misogynistic Holi. Waste of water & Sagarika Certified semen filled balloons -Ewwww!

Food habits – MEAT EATING.
Check FB & Instagram for fillet & steak pics, giraffe head & rhino bottom.

~ Personal Statement ~
Love Aurangzeb. He was the best. Tipu rocks !
Thank God we were saved by colonization.

~ Opinion ~
Critical on anything Hindu.
Silent on Islam – Marna hai kya?
Christianity – Awww! Mulled wine?!?

~ This Is Not The India We Knew ~
Knowledge of India extends to now only 2 in the servant quarter (good staff is very difficult to find & thanks to Modi they are doing this, that & whatever in their villages )
also 3 in JNU
& Uber/ Ola Cab drivers

~ Beauty of Subterfuge ~
Urban Naxal from my well anointed drawing room.

Terror apologies keeps those wine cellars chilled.…
(BTW Geelani Sahib & Mirwaiz Sahib are the epitome of Kashmiriyat & don’t talk of those sobbing Pandits. See how well N is coping)

~ Syncretic Culture ~
Bound by single malt the kababs at Karim’s, Yasim Malik, Joy to the World & yaar, find me a Dalit to invite for my dinner party.…

~ Social Standing ~
Desperate.
NGO flush funds have dried up.
NAC is disbanded.

~ Lexicon ~
Vulgar still includes few French terms with Fcuk.
But the ones that really touch a chord – Go drink Gaumutra & Low IQ Sanghi. Absolutely melodious from those of us who understand Default Setting & the difference between Profit & Loss)

~ Mission Statement ~
We will battle to bring back our beautiful India of peace, love, equality & secularism that has all but disappeared thanks to Narendra Modi.
We miss those days when Soniajee met World Leaders in those gorgeous sarees & MMS… well, MMS…

~ Motto ~
Noi mangeremo di nuovo. Avrai anche la possibilta di mangiare di nuovo.

Loosely translated with due apologies to the Doyenne of Loose Translations, Mme. Trushcke.

Hum phirse khaayenge. Aap ko bhi mauka milega.

~ Toast ~
Bring down this Govt of Plebs!

The Anatomy of An Indian Liberal Post 2019

Class – Privileged but Woke

Chaiwala & Pakodawala are also people.

First Language – English but will now occasionally pop in a few chaste Hindi words in North India. In the South & East besides English we anyway spoke the regional language with a cute lilt…..(Think: Moon Moon Sen)

Religious Denomination – Atheist but erm…tending towards a deep spiritualism that could be erm..termed Hinduism…BUT definitely not that Hindutva stuff.

Celebrations – Lets see how it goes….Getting very mixed signals from The Club.

Food – Proudly non vegetarian. Not so gauche to be classified as vegetarian. But yes, considering turning vegan after seeing an eye-opening documentary on the BBC.

~Personal Statement~ Erm…we didn’t read the signs….erm we ignored the signs….

Like the Courts Of France & Russia we believed victory would definitely be ours. With petitions of –

200 Eminent Citizens

100 Senior Bureaucrats

70 Has-Been Bollywood Stars

100 Military Veterans…..

But all the while these peasants were breaking down the door.

So give them NYAY, we said. But they flung it back in our face !!

~Opinion~ Rahul Toh Gaya (See, I’m already talking like them)

Rahul-In-A-Cotton Saree- Bhi Gayee (O God! Here I go again)

This summer I plan delving into my roots. Think the lush hills & gentle streams of Aberdeen might be the right place to begin….

Have to confess this is not the India we know. An India where no one listens to us & worse, makes fun of us…

I mean my grandparents, parents, uncles & aunts dished out so many favours & in turn crawled for theirs & this is how they repay us…..??

~Syncretic Culture~ Owaisi needs to get a grip. But yes, articles in WaPo & NYT on how Muslims feel insecure in Modi’s India will be turned out at a breathless pace.

Thank God every once in a while their Sadhu or Sadhvi says something & we have our raison d’etre.

~Social Standing~ First of all – Are we standing?

And next – Keep that Kanhaiya away from me. What a waste of single malt, kebabs, & good erm…(demonitised) money.

~Lexicon~ Gau Mutra & Sanghi are now stale & new insults must be worked on keeping our erm…future in mind.

Is this going to be …like forever? Then we must call The Club & strategise.

~Mission Statement~ This is not the end of our privileged existence ! Rahul must be readied & relaunched! It can be done. it MUST be done !!

~Motto~ Erm…Bharat Mata Ki Jai !

If this is what they want. This is what I will give.

Can we erm…discuss price?

And Sirjee, (eww, here I go again) remember being Hindu is all about forgiveness …(Think: Prithviraj Chauhan)

Till of course, I strike that dagger in your back !

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